Memento

Dan, son, I am thinking of you a great deal.  Soon it will be the anniversary of your death.  I need to work on the memorial site.  It appears that the slide program entries have been deleted because the company went out of business of providing them.  I  figure you are not concerned with this, but I could be wrong about that :).  I love you, Son.  I hope to see you soon.  Keep an eye out for the revised Memorial site.  May God be praised.  Dad.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAN OCTOBER 19, 2009

Dan, sad man. Three plus years since that night when you tried to call me. I am thinking of that night. The pain is deep and dull and buried. But in my sadness I do not want to lose the hope I have that Our Lord and His Mother held you and rescued you from the grip of the enemy who sought your life. Dan, we remember you in our prayers. The pain we have is deep. But the wound in the side of Christ and in His hands and feet are deeper still. Now what is to be is withheld from our eyes. But we have our Hope in the Mercy of God. Til the day we see you, God willing, love. Dad

Happy Birthday, Dan

Tis your birthday, Daniel. It was 31 years ago that you were born. You live now in God's loving care, eternally His. You were a beautiful child and man. Mom and I love you. Clare and Gilly and Pierce love you too, and many others. We miss you and can't wait to see you again.

MISERERE

DANIEL

St. Francis' Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may seek
Not so much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born
To Eternal Life. AMEN.

DANNY BOY

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

YESTERDAY

Yesterday seems so far away. So much has happened in our world, in Virginia, what with the murders at Virginia Tech. We can feel with those parents and families and loved ones who lost a young person to the violence perpetrated by a disturbed person, himself lost to his grieving family. The grief of those parents is palpable in our own grief. Sifting through tragedy which touches the deepest parts of ourselves reveals both mystery yet still life and love that will not die and which forever hopes to see the beloved ones again while we hold, til then, their memory in our hearts and minds.

E-mail From My Sister, MaryEllen

April 15, 2007

Ray,

I was viewing Dan's blog. I feel so moved by all I read and see. I keep a picture of him in the angel costume in my office where I see him everyday. It is important to me to be able to see that picture and remember him and know that Jesus has him now, safe from all. Even though we were not close, I have fond memories of the times that I spent with him. I feel so sad that he is gone from us, especially for you and Donna and his sisters and brother. Know that I love you and pray for you in your grief (and in your joy, too). You and your family are never far from my thoughts.

Love, ME

MERCY SUNDAY - SIGNS OF MERCY IN DAN'S LIFE AND PASSING

In the Booklet for Dan's Baptism, December 10, 1977, there is this dedication and prayer which his Mom and I put there with faith and purpose:Dan died early Tuesday, on the Memorial of the HOLY NAME OF MARY September 12, 2006
Thursday of that week, September 14, 2006 was the Feast of the EXALTATION OF THE HOLY CROSS
The funeral memorial for Dan was on Friday, September 15, 2006, the Feast of OUR LADY OF SORROWS
My belief is that these signs were meant to show God's Everlasting Mercy and Mary's Motherly Care for Dan.

A Memory

HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE

MORE DAN

TUESDAY of HOLY WEEK

When I look at the montages of Dan, I mourn. I don't feel everything that is in me because the grief would be unbearable. How did I not fully know the treasure I was allowed to have in my care? I believe God has had mercy on Daniel because God knows my failure to treasure what He gave me. No one wants to read a litany of regret, of what-ifs. And I don't need to recite that, for it is all past, wrapped in mystery and sorrow and loss, in the Cross, in all that we commemorate this Holy Week. Jesus, all good, all innocent, without spot or wrinkle, fell under the weight of the Cross. Surely He has borne our afflictions, He has carried our sins and we look to Him the Beginning and the End of our very selves and long to be with Him and to have in Him what only He can give, every possible Joy and Daniel, too, free from every stain of this lost world, redeemed and made anew. My son, my son.

DAN (reprise)

DAN

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

Letter from Fr. Weymes

^Father Weymes baptizing Daniel

from Dan's Baptismal Booklet>

Dear Ray,
Your tributes for Daniel, and those of your family and friends,are an eternal blessing for him and a continuing blessing for those who remember him with deep affection. May his soul rest in the peace of Jesus. I will pray for him at the altar of the Lord in the Holy Sacrifice of the Eucharist.
I never know what to say in situations like this one with your beloved son. From experiences in priesthood I realise that the pain never goes away. I can only hold you and your loved ones in my heart asking God to assist you all in totally
surrendering Daniel to Jesus. In this surrender our insight into Resurrection bolsters our faith and we live more passionately in the hope of being with Daniel "where every tear will be wiped away and death will be no more."

Always in the Lord Jesus and Mary Mother of Life,
Fr.Gerald Weymes.



Dan's Baptismal Banner

DAD and DAN

Make photo slide shows at onetruemedia.com

AO's ALBUM

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

HANDPRINTS

Dan's Handprints at 5 years old
I miss you when we're not together
You grew so very fast
You, a man when last I saw you
and I, when you saw me last.
As you grew, you changed a lot,
The years they flew right by.
I wonder that you grew so quick
In all the whens, and wheres, and why?
So looking on these handprints
That hang upon this wall,
the memories come flooding back ,
When you were very small.

Shaking The Pumpkin, Shaking The Word

I have no idea what we were discussing the day of this photograph. It looks serious. I long to speak with Dan again. He knew a lot and, what's more, when I spoke with Dan, he would consider what I said and vice versa. He wasn't at a loss for words, but he was careful in hearing and in speaking whenever we would talk about religion or philosophy or psychology. Politics was a hot issue for Daniel and one I'd rather avoid. Dan didn't like a government that encroached upon peoples' liberties. Neither do I but age, perhaps, has made me more sanguine about civilization's vicissitudes. When I pass, and it won't be all that long a time until I do, I hope to talk with Dan
and share the substance of those things we, earthbound, only pondered, only tried to glimpse.

Two Lines

I keep thinking that I'm dying
keep feeling like I'm going home

(after a Tlingit song)

Spring's Annunciation - Feast of the Annunciation

Dear common flower, that grow'st beside the way,
Fringing the dusty road with harmless gold,
First pledge of blithesome May,
Which children pluck, and, full of pride, uphold,
High-hearted buccaneers, o'erjoyed that they
An Eldorado in the grass have found,
Which not the rich earth's ample round
May match in wealth, thou art more dear to me
Than all the prouder summer-blooms may be.

Gold such as thine ne'er drew the Spanish prow
Through the primeval hush of Indian seas,
Nor wrinkled the lean brow
Of age, to rob the lover's heart of ease;
'Tis the Spring's largess, which she scatters now
To rich and poor alike, with lavish hand,
Though most hearts never understand
To take it at God's value, but pass by
The offered wealth with unrewarded eye. ........
My childhood's earliest thoughts are linked with thee;
The sight of thee calls back the robin's song,
Who, from the dark old tree
Beside the door, sang clearly all day long,
And I, secure in childish piety,
Listened as if I heard an angel sing
With news from heaven, which he could bring
Fresh every day to my untainted ears

How like a prodigal doth nature seem,
When thou, for all thy gold, so common art!
Thou teachest me to deem
More sacredly of every human heart,
Since each reflects in joy its scanty gleam
Of heaven, and could some wondrous secret show,
Did we but pay the love we owe,
And with a child's undoubting wisdom look
On all these living pages of God's book.


James Russell Lowell [1819-1891]

GATHERING

Had a little gathering today with Mom, Gill, Pierce, Ken, Toby, Maggie. We missed you, Dan, like we miss you everyday. Your sister Clare is in California, not at all as far away as you. Wish she was here. Wish we were all together. I scanned some pictures of you to put them up on the web site. Seeing pictures from babyhood to just before you left us is an emotional experience. Love you, Dan. Want to see you again. I trust in God's Mercy.

I Grieve by Peter Gabriel from the movie "City of Angels"

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
is just the way that we are tied in
But there's no one home
I grieve...... for you
You leave....... me
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks
is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
it's empty, empty cage
and I can't handle this
I grieve....... for you
You leave....... me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on in the people I meet
In everyone that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
As life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief
or did I believe this dream?
Now I will find relief
I grieve

Toby's Birthday

Tobias really liked Uncle Dan and now it's kind of hard to tell him that Uncle Dan will not be around anymore, that he has gone to Jesus. What can this mean to a three year old? Sometimes Tobias speaks of Uncle Dan. Maybe Gillian can share some of the things Toby has said and some of the ways she has dealt with Dan's death and Toby's questions about this. Tobias is a very friendly fellow when he meets others who are fun to be with and Uncle Dan was one of those people. As the years go on, the memory of Dan will fade from Tobias' mind, but we will remind him with pictures and stories of his Uncle Dan.

Note From My Sister, Jean

Hello Ray,

I read the blog this afternoon and thought it was very moving. It is clear that this time of mourning and loss is so confusing and filled with more emotions than we can manage sometimes. Daniel was very much loved by all of you, and I honestly believe that love is the one truth we can know amidst the pain life sometimes brings to us. It is comforting to know that Daniel had that. It was what probably allowed him to go on as long as he did, albeit much too brief a time for those he left behind. It is impossible for me to know the depth of your loss, but if there is any measure of consolation in these words, I will say that Daniel has only continued on in his journey toward being totally fulfilled in God. Now the challenge is for us to really become at peace with that truth so we can continue on our journey.

Love, Jean

Six Months

Time moves fast since Dan's death, at least for me. The funeral, the visit to the cemetery, Adeline's grave where Dan's ashes will be interred, Dan's ashes in a bag, kept safe until the urn arrives. Clare had married days before Dan's death and left with her husband, Serge, to live in California. The six months since are just a blur, punctuated by special times. Fall came. Dan's 29th. birthday came and went. We honored Dan's memory on October 19, 2006 with Masses kindly said by many priests around the world. Donna's birthday, October 28. I can't imagine your sorrow, Donna.

Thanksgiving, then Winter arrived; Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, Gillian's birthday, Magdalene growing strong, Pierce getting stronger, Toby almost three, Lent, and Spring in nine days, new life and the promise of resurrection, and still, unbelievable, Dan gone. He seems so alive to me. He seems to be just down the road, just near by. I'll see him soon, he'll walk through the door, he'll drive here to help Gilly clean and talk to me about Buddhism and I will talk to him about eating better. But I won't see him here again. My mind has not fully accepted that, but my intellect intrudes with the dull thud of "he's dead." I respond, no hesitation. My faith tells me he lives, entrusted to God, to God's love and mercy and I will, may God grant it, I will see him again. Til then, Dan, I will never forget you, close to my heart with words I can not yet speak.

Starting This Blog

Since that awful day when we found Dan, I have insulated myself from accepting that he is truly dead and gone from us. Only since starting this Blog have I begun to feel. I am afraid to feel fully for my heart might break. Yet having touched some of my emotion, I have the desire to make this journey and uncover the love I feel for my son. I used to say that there is no way to express the love one has for one's children. Each child is loved infinitely. There is no end of love. And, although we do not always fully express our deep love, yet It is there, deep calling unto deep. De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine. Domine,audite me. Out of the depth I have cried to you, O Lord. Lord, hear me.

A Moment From The Past

I remember sometimes taking Dan to the Washington Ballet in D.C. for class. He would forget to bring his ballet slippers or something that would keep him from the class. I would fume and fuss and I think he got a big kick out of that. Later, when he performed in The Nutcracker, I would take him up to performances. I thought he was impressive on stage. For a child who was overly shy, he seemed to have considerable aplomb performing before crowds.

GILLIAN'S LETTER TO DANIEL

I love you, Dan, I miss you, Dan. I pray for you and think about you all the time. I wish you were here. I wish I could see and touch you, hug you and hear your laugh. You were my brother. You are my big brother. I know, I hope, you are in a better place now, that God has perfected you, that you shine now like you never could when you were here. Why? Why did you leave us, leave me? You shouldn’t have done that; it was hurtful and stupid. I hate what you did – you jerk! Pain, anxiety, fear, hurt, sorrow, sadness, is what I know, what I feel.

I need hope and joy. I need the resurrection. I want you. I want to take you into my arms and kiss your head and tell you it will be ok, you can be better, you don’t have to give up or hurt yourself, you don’t have to be afraid, you can be happy. You are so beautiful and smart and funny and sweet and compassionate. In a lot of ways I’ve always looked up to you because you are my big brother. I remember when you used to tuck me in every night. I loved you so much. You made me safe and strong.

I love how Toby loved you and looked up to you and how his eyes shined when he knew you were coming over, when he saw you, how he wanted to be like you!

I loved your laugh.

I love that you were a dancer and that it always showed in the way you walked and ran and stood and how you kicked and practiced Tae Kwon Do that night with Kenny. He loved you, too.

I wish I could undo it and bring you home. Father Mark says one day I will go home to you, to where you are. I have to trust in that, to remember that you are a light in the heavens shining so bright that, here on earth, I cannot look upon you, my sweet Dan, my brother, my big brother, my angel in heaven.

I love you and remember you and miss you always.

Just your Gilly.

Gilly's Poem

I saw you in a coffin
Dead and Hard and Cold
Not at all what you were before
Warm and Soft and Gentle
Then you were peaceful, quiet, still
But before so tortured and tormented by the life that you could not have
What a contradiction:
peaceful yet stiff
alive yet trapped
I wanted your happiness because you were beautiful
Happiness came, but when it came, you were gone, away, forever
For you peace abides without end and we who loved and lost now grieve
The paradox: our grief at your happiness so long awaited and yet too early attained
Why? echoes through our heads clashing like a cymbal beaten in rage
So disturbed our minds by your sudden going
So unable to grasp the reality
Our consciousness a vacuum, a void without walls fortified and complete, capable of withstanding the knowledge that you are Dead and gone; that you are free, finally free.

DANIEL McCORKELL COTE - MEMORIAL MASS

Opening Hymn


You Are Mine

I will come to you in the silence,
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice,
I claim you as my choice,
Be still and know I am here.

CHORUS

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am hope for all who are hopeless,
I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

CHORUS

I am strength for all the despairing,
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see,
The lame will run free,
And all will know my name.

CHORUS

I am the Word that leads all to freedom,
I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name,
Embracing all your pain,
Stand up, now walk, and live!

CHORUS

I will never forget you.

Rev.21
[1] Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.
[2] And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband;
[3] and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them;
[4] he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away."
[5] And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." Also

Responsorial Psalm
Ps 84:3, 4, 5-6, 12

R. (2) How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord, mighty God!
My soul yearns and pines
for the courts of the LORD.
My heart and my flesh
cry out for the living God.
R. How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord, mighty God!
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest
in which she puts her young—
Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
my king and my God!
R. How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord, mighty God!
Blessed they who dwell in your house!
continually they praise you.
Blessed the men whose strength you are!
their hearts are set upon the pilgrimage.
R. How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord, mighty God!
For a sun and a shield is the LORD God;
grace and glory he bestows;
The LORD withholds no good thing
from those who walk in sincerity.
R. How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord, mighty God!

Gospel
Jn 19:25-27

Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother
and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas,
and Mary Magdalene.
When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved
he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.”
Then he said to the disciple,
“Behold, your mother.”
And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.



I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE

I am the bread of life,
Those who come to me shall not hunger,
Those who believe in me shall not thirst
No one can come to me
Unless the Father draw them.

Refrain:
And I will raise him up,
And I will raise him up
And I will raise him up
On the last day

The bread that I will give
Is my flesh for the life of the world
And those who eat of this bread
They shall life forever
They shall live forever.

Unless you eat
Of the flesh of the Son of Man
And drink of His blood,
and drink of His blood
You shall not have life within you.

I am the resurrection,
I am the life,
If you believe in me,
Even though you die,
You shall live forever.

Yes, Lord, I believe
That you are the Christ,
The Son of God,
Who has come
Into the World.



On eagles wings

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
who abide in His shadow for life,
say to the Lord: 'My refuge,
my God in whom I trust!'

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
and famine will bring you no fear:
under His wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day;
though thousands fall about you,
near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
For to His angels He's given a command
to guard you in all of your ways'
upon their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.


AVE MARIA

Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus.
Ave Maria
Ave Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora, ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
nunc et in hora mortis
in hora mortis nostrae
in hora mortis, mortis nostrae
in hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria


City of God

1. Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep!
A new day is dawning for all those who weep.
The people in darkness have seen a great light.
The Lord of our longing has conquered the night.
Refrain: Let us build the city of God.
May our tears be turned into dancing.
For the Lord our light and our love has turned the night into day.
2. We are sons of the morning; we are daughters of day.
The One who has loved us has brightened our way.
The Lord of all kindness has called us to be
a light for all people to set their hearts free.
3. God is light; in God there is no darkness.
Let us walk in the light, God's children one and all.
O comfort my people make gentle your words,
proclaim to my city the day of her birth.
4. O city of gladness now lift up your voice,
proclaim the good tidings that all may rejoice.



AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, Who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.