Six Months

Time moves fast since Dan's death, at least for me. The funeral, the visit to the cemetery, Adeline's grave where Dan's ashes will be interred, Dan's ashes in a bag, kept safe until the urn arrives. Clare had married days before Dan's death and left with her husband, Serge, to live in California. The six months since are just a blur, punctuated by special times. Fall came. Dan's 29th. birthday came and went. We honored Dan's memory on October 19, 2006 with Masses kindly said by many priests around the world. Donna's birthday, October 28. I can't imagine your sorrow, Donna.

Thanksgiving, then Winter arrived; Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, Gillian's birthday, Magdalene growing strong, Pierce getting stronger, Toby almost three, Lent, and Spring in nine days, new life and the promise of resurrection, and still, unbelievable, Dan gone. He seems so alive to me. He seems to be just down the road, just near by. I'll see him soon, he'll walk through the door, he'll drive here to help Gilly clean and talk to me about Buddhism and I will talk to him about eating better. But I won't see him here again. My mind has not fully accepted that, but my intellect intrudes with the dull thud of "he's dead." I respond, no hesitation. My faith tells me he lives, entrusted to God, to God's love and mercy and I will, may God grant it, I will see him again. Til then, Dan, I will never forget you, close to my heart with words I can not yet speak.